Breaking Free from Comparison

It’s easy to compare ourselves to others, especially those we admire most. But what happens when that comparison becomes a trap—something that keeps us from embracing the unique path we’re meant to walk? What if we could let go of the pressure to measure up and allow ourselves to simply be?

I used to say, “If I’m just half as good as my mom, I’ll be a good woman.” While that may be true, striving to be like her—the strong, incredible mom I grew up watching—was holding me back.

My mom could do everything. She was everything to everyone. And yet, she always seemed to have joy and peace. I wanted to be that woman too, but the truth is, I struggled to do it all. I struggled to be my “perfect” self.

In grad school, I reached a breaking point. Trying to hold on to everything the way I imagined she would, trying to juggle it all with grace—it was too much. I couldn’t keep going down that path.

So, I let go. I let go of trying to be my mom, and I chose to be myself instead.

For me, that meant changing jobs multiple times until I found the right fit. It meant delaying romantic partnerships until I felt ready. It meant doing less for others and more for me. I stopped trying to live by someone else’s example and focused on becoming the best version of me.

And yet, as I embraced who I truly was, I realized something beautiful: in many ways, I’m still like my mom without even trying. I think of people when they aren’t around and do kind things for them. I make holidays and special moments feel special. I work hard and plan ahead.

But I’ve also found my own rhythm. I rest more. I don’t cook or clean regularly, and I make sure to share those responsibilities with my partner. I don’t answer every phone call. My life looks different from hers, but it’s no less full of love, intention, and strength..

My mom is amazing, and I feel so blessed to have her. I too am amazing, and I know my son is blessed to have me. I may be half of who she is, but I’m also all of who I am—and that’s more than enough.

Comparison can fuel feelings of inadequacy, stress, and burnout. Research shows that upward comparison—comparing ourselves to those we perceive as “better”—can negatively impact self-esteem and mental health.

However, embracing your unique journey fosters self-confidence and authenticity. Studies from the Journal of Positive Psychology highlight that self-compassion and focusing on your own growth improve emotional well-being and reduce the harmful effects of comparison.

This week, break free from the comparison trap with these three steps:

• Reflect on your uniqueness: Write down three qualities or strengths that make you uniquely you.

• Reframe comparisons: When you notice yourself comparing, shift the narrative by saying, “Their path is theirs, and mine is mine.”

• Celebrate yourself: Choose one way to honor who you are this week—whether that’s treating yourself to a favorite activity, journaling your wins, or simply pausing to appreciate your journey.

Some Resources:

• Book Recommendation: Ain't I a Woman: Black Women and Feminism by Bell Hooks

• Journal Prompt: What makes my journey uniquely my own, and how can I celebrate that this week?

Your journey is yours for a reason. By letting go of comparison, you give yourself the freedom to embrace all the beauty, strength, and possibility that comes with being fully you.

🖤Dr. Akilah

This is part of Dr. Akilah's Rewriting the Narrative of Strength series. Read the entire series here!