Redefining Strength

True strength includes vulnerability. Yet, for so many of us, vulnerability feels like a risk—like letting go of the very shield that has protected us for so long. But what if that shield is also keeping us from growing, connecting, and living fully?

In my mid-twenties, I was living out of state and struggling in my doctoral program. It was one of the most challenging seasons of my life, stretching me in every way—academically, emotionally, and personally. The demands of graduate school were heavy, but so was the emotional toll of growth.

That semester, I was working on my thesis, which explored Black women’s endorsement of stereotypes of Black women. It was a topic I cared deeply about, but that was about the only thing that felt "right." I was struggling—struggling with the research, struggling in the program, and struggling to feel like I belonged in this new state.

Up until this point in my program, I was my typical reserved self—nice, friendly even, but emotionally guarded. It was just how I operated. I didn’t even realize I was guarded at the time. I only knew that the discomfort I felt around new people, professors, and situations was my normal.

Then came a particularly devastating moment: just days before my thesis defense, my committee canceled it. "You’re not ready," they said. My first thought? "I’m not good enough." When I met with my thesis chair about it, I tried to do what I always did: put on my strong face, even though I was furious and heartbroken inside.

But this time, I couldn’t hold it. Normally, I’d fight back my emotions—at least until I made it out of the room. But in that moment, I let my tears flow, and the words followed. I don’t even remember exactly what I said, but I know I was vulnerable. It was awkward, unfamiliar, and, honestly, a little messy.

But it was also a breakthrough.

For the first time, my chair truly saw me—my struggles, my emotions, my humanity. She had no idea how I was processing my thesis or the program. Letting my guard down created understanding, and from that moment, we worked together differently.

Ironically, that conversation brought me back to my thesis. I had been researching strength—the very stereotype that so many Black women in my study endorsed. And it hit me: strength was exactly what I had been holding onto, too. Strength was what got me to that point, but it was also keeping me stuck.

That day taught me a new kind of strength: the strength to be vulnerable. It showed me that vulnerability is not weakness; it is the key to deeper understanding, connection, and growth.

That experience shaped so much of my personal and professional life. It opened the door to share my thoughts and feelings in ways that built relationships and created opportunities. And in many ways, it planted the seed for this very segment on unlearning "strong" and redefining it to include vulnerability.

Research shows that vulnerability is essential for emotional connection and personal growth. According to Dr. Brené Brown, vulnerability is the birthplace of courage, creativity, and meaningful relationships. Her studies reveal that people who allow themselves to be vulnerable are more likely to experience connection, joy, and resilience.

Contrary to societal myths, vulnerability is not weakness—it is strength. When we show up authentically, we allow others to see us, hear us, and meet us where we are.

This week, practice vulnerability in small, intentional ways. Start with safe spaces:

• Share your feelings: Tell a trusted friend, partner, or mentor how you’re really doing this week. Use a feelings word list to be specific about how you feel.

• Speak up: In a meeting or conversation, allow yourself to share your honest thoughts, even if it feels uncomfortable.

• Pause the shield: Notice when you’re putting on your "strong face." Instead, take a breath and ask yourself what you need in that moment.

Remember, vulnerability doesn’t mean you have to spill everything all at once or to everyone. It’s about allowing yourself to be seen—one moment, one connection, one safe space at a time.

Some Resources:

• Book Recommendation: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown – A powerful guide to embracing vulnerability and authenticity.

• Journal Prompt: Think about a time when you allowed yourself to be vulnerable. What did you learn from that experience? How can you lean into vulnerability this week?

Redefining strength starts with releasing the idea that we always have to be strong. Sometimes, true strength lies in letting our guard down and allowing ourselves to be fully seen.

🖤Dr. Akilah

This is part of Dr. Akilah's Rewriting the Narrative of Strength series. Read the entire series here!