Healing Through Boundaries

Boundaries are often misunderstood as walls we build to keep others out. But in truth, boundaries are bridges—they protect our peace, allow us to thrive, and help us show up fully for the people we care about.

I’ve always been an introvert. Even as a kid, I had this rich internal world that flourished in hours of solitude. That’s where my creativity and vulnerability came alive the most. I’ve also enjoyed a good social life, and as a child, I effortlessly balanced these two needs without even realizing what they were or why they mattered.

But adulthood changed that balance. Between the demands of work, relationships, and life in general, I found it harder to meet both my social and solitude needs. By the time I was in graduate school, I realized that after a long day—or even a fun one—I craved alone time. It wasn’t just a preference; it was a necessity.

The dilemma came when family or friends would reach out. Technically, I was free. And of course, I wanted to connect with them. But in those moments, what I really needed was to be alone with myself.

So, I started to communicate my need for space in small ways. I let my loved ones know I was having “personal time.” It was awkward at first, but over time, it became a running joke in my family. Even though I don’t use the term much anymore, they all know that sometimes, I just need my solitude.

Not everyone fully understands it, and that’s okay. Boundaries don’t require universal agreement—they just require love and respect. Taking the time to connect with myself makes me feel better, work better, and show up better in my relationships.

Now, as a mom of a three-year-old, setting boundaries looks a little different. Me time isn’t quite as well understood (and understandably so!). But as my child grows and begins to develop a sense of self, I plan to teach him about boundaries, too—starting with mommy’s need for some quiet time and encouraging him to take moments for himself as well.

Boundaries aren’t static. They shift with our needs and circumstances. What remains constant is their power to protect our peace and potential.

Research has shown that setting healthy boundaries is linked to lower stress levels, improved self-esteem, and better relationships. People who set clear boundaries are more likely to experience emotional well-being and maintain strong interpersonal connections.

Boundaries also help regulate energy levels, allowing us to conserve mental and emotional resources for the things and people that matter most.

This week, practice setting compassionate boundaries using this simple method:

• Acknowledge the need: Reflect on where in your life you feel stretched, drained, or overwhelmed. What are your needs and what are you willing to do about it?

• Communicate clearly: Use “I” statements to express your needs without guilt or apology. For example:

  • “I’d love to spend time with you, but I need to recharge tonight. Let’s plan something later this week.”

  • “I’m working on some personal goals right now and need to stay focused, but I really value our connection.”

• Hold the boundary: Stick to your decision with kindness but firmness.

Remember, boundaries are an act of self-love, and they help you show up as your best self for the people you care about.

Some Resources:

• Book Recommendation: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab – A practical guide to establishing healthy boundaries.

• Journal Prompt: What is one area of your life where you need clearer boundaries? How can you start communicating that need this week?

Boundaries aren’t about shutting others out—they’re about letting yourself in. By protecting your peace and your potential, you create the space to thrive in every area of your life.

🖤Dr. Akilah

This is part of Dr. Akilah's Rewriting the Narrative of Strength series. Read the entire series here!